i dont wanna Let this go

but i cant find the words to tell you

but now i feel like i dont know you

ill never let this go.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

am i supposed to be happy?

when all i've ever wanted

comes with a price

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

whom did i forsaken

broken and forgotten

i was lost and all alone..

i was carried to table

seated where i dont belong

carried to the table

swept away by His love

and i dont see my brokeness anymore

when im seated at the table of the Lord.

so this past weekend I and a bunch of awesome people went to a conference by student life. A conference callled CLARITY.

wow..is all i can really describe it as. GOd opened my eyes and my heart to how much He has given me in terms of guidence and wisdom. For heavens sake He wanted to write an entire book of stories and lessons and wisdom and guidence for us. and why dont we take advatage of that? why do we let something that huge just sit by and only open it every once in a while? one thing that hit me hard was when we were doing devo's..and a question was " what are 3 things you have studied from God's word that stands out?" and all i could think was how i havent studied God's word. yeah sure i've been to many camps and conferences and had that "high" but it eventually fades, but this isnt a high, its more of a longing and desire to get to Know God and Know the Word.  that is my desire and want and need. that is what i'm trying my best to do. to get into His word and what He's about and about HIM. that is all

i love you

okay so here it is.

       honestly im so fed up with everything going on in my life. my parents are geting all over me about growing up and getting more responsiblity and lke i dont have enough? i havea job at nights. i have school at day. and then im juggling a personal trainer, softball, and church all in between. my priorities are all screwed up b/c right now its school, job, family church. when in reality i want it to be  church, family, school, work. but it seems my job has taken over my life. and the downer? i hate it . one person there makes me cry every time when i get off. im not kidding. but its my only incme right now. so im searching.

          also- my family is driving my crazy. i want so bad to just go away for a week. away from my mom and dad especially. i mean they are arguign all the time now and im at my breakign point of it all. they even fought on christmas eve , christmas, and my little sister's 13th birthday im so ready to just get away. tonight i was half way to my friends house for the night but turned around. then i come home to find my mom not even home at 10:30 at night. she was "at a movie " buti work in the mall w. a clear view of the theatres/ and she never came in. so really all i want to do i curl up in church pray and cry. pray more than anything and pray in a place that i love and feel loved in. church is that place. in the pews. crying out to God. that;'s all i want to do. but my church locks their doors. :( so yeah. i dont know what im doing or what im going to do. all i know is im not happy. and im not wanting to be where im at right now.

          i would love some prayer and wisdom. God, can i have some wisdom? please. give me grace and mercy. let me love and understand like you. please. my heart is full and its about to burst open with a river of tears and pain. please give me something to let me know it will all be better.

amen

until next time

:)